**[her bittersweet melodrama]**

Hehe..wala ako masabi sa title ko ngyn basta..there are so many things going on inside my head..

To one person out there:

I dont want to go on with the details but I juz want to say sorry if ever nasaktan kita..isa ka sa pinakamahalagang tao sa buhay ko at ayoko makakita na masaktan at magsisi sa huli..sorry uli, kuya..

Krizsa:

Hehe..kakabasa ko lng blog mo..nabasa mo pala ang lyrics sa latest entry ko..hehe..ok lng naman kung inarbor mo..To tell you the truth..I dont know to whom the song is really dedicated to..it is either you or him..pero basta..nakaka-touch n0h? If you want pahiram ko sayo ang CD one time..n_n..

Ok..tapos na ang mga dedications..kwento naman ako..

___ and his family was sitting behind me and my family a while ago during the church service. When we both looked at each other..all we did was we waved a hand and said -hi-..that's it..

At the car..both of my parents told me that they know his clan (his lolo and his tita to be exact..)..Waaahhh!! Is this SERENDIPITY? Then, tama nga ako, lahi nga sila ng mga gwapo, magaganda, PLUS matatalino..(yung tita niya..dati nag-aaral sa UP..) So..ok wala na ako masabi..basta he is probably the perfect crush I had so far since my crush when I was in Grade 1..

So..ayun..hehe..wala na ako masabi..n_n..

Sayonara..n_n..

PS:

>>Ayoko na mag-elaborate pa ng details pertaining to -the one person out there- kc sbi nya sa amin lng daw muna yun..sana ok lng sa inyo..n_n..
>>Krizsa..kwento ko nlng sayo ang details about kay ___ either sa phone or pag nagkita tayo..n_n..
>>Marami na ako nlaman sa kanya..hehe..tnx to my parents who finally told me..n_n..
>>WORD OF THE DAY: SERENDIPITY = COINCIDENCE

Cheska's thoughts at 1:03 PM

Yeah..the title says it all..I juz really feel like sharing a couple of thoughts during the week..

<07.27.05>

-Past is past-..that was my motto in life..but it seems the past is always hunting me..filling up my thoughts and bringing back the feelings I had for him for about 3 years..

Why do I feel strange everytime someone mentions his (my 3-year crush..) name?

After all this time, are my feelings for him still remain inside of me?

I don't want to think about him anymore..however the ghost of the past is hunting me..

I'm confused..do I still have feelings for him?

<07.28.05>

-The hardest part in loving someone is letting that person go..that is true love-..this is what I texted to her..
-There are so many other guys that are better than him-..I even added..

She had finally let the person go..I know she did this so she wouldn't hurt herself that he would like her back..But I'm so dissapointed to him..He's so BLIND and NAIVE..Another girl covered his eyes with her hands so he could only see her and only her..

Will he ever see the truth behind all the lies?

When will be the time that he will finally open his eyes?

The perfect song for the BLIND person..
I only wish that he would finally see the truth..

BLIND
by Lifehouse

I was young but wasnt naive
I watch helpless
As you turn around to leave
And still have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep
That even you could not bury it if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we d be here
When my love for you was blind
But couldnt make you see it
Couldnt make you see it
That I loved you more
Then you will never know
And a part of me died
When I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in the hopes of dreaming
That everything
Would be like it was before
But nights like these
It seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we d be here
Never thought we d be here
When my love for you is blind
But I coulndnt make you see it
Couldnt make you see it
That I loved you more
Then you will never know
And part of me died
When I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever want to leave
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you is blind
But I couldnt make you see it
Couldnt make you see it
That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go
That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go

Cheska's thoughts at 3:49 PM

Grabe!! Aaahhh!! Ang saya-saya ko ngayon!! Aaahhh!!..n_n..
[Halatang nagwawala eh n0h?!] ..n_n..

Today is our Ushering Day once again..(Nyahaha..mukhang diwata ako!!) and we are assigned to wear somethin’ ethnic. When I got to church..I went straight to the comfort room to get my malong done. While passing through a lot of people, I waved a hand to Mike..then..I noticed there was ___ standing right behind him (Mike) in his usual smiling expression which was one the features why I like ___ so much..(^blush^ kinikilig na naman ako..n_n..). When I had reached the CR, I was surprised to see Krizsa and Osan who are also fixing up. Osan even described us as the Diwatas of Encantadia..she as Pirena, Krizsa as Amihan, and me as Danaya.

Before going on to our assigned places, the three of us first went to the table where we must register our names. But, earlier than that, Ate Masie asked me if I already had a partner in the Offering. I told her “no”, then she pointed out that Dana would be my partner. Unfortunately, she was already occupied. Then, to my surprise, she looked for ___ and told me that he will be my partner instead!! (Aaahhh..^runs to the wall then gets hit^..ouch..hehehe..n_n..) Of course, both of my bestest friends are trying to stifle their giggles because of that surprising umm..whatever (hahaha..n_n..). When we reached the Registrar, ___ came in and then asked me about somethin’ (hehehe..I forgot what he asked me about..basta something mamaya for the Offering..mahina andar ng brain cells ko ngayon kasi talagang kilig na kilig na kilig na kilig na kilig na kilig na kilig ako today..n_n..) (Krizsa..may napapansin ka sa “kilig” word? Hahaha..n_n..). I looked at him and answered his question, but quickly turned back to what I was doing because he might even see my cheeks turn red if I looked at him even longer. When he went back inside, of course, Osan and Krizsa were so kilig to the bones and Mike even knew about it..hehehe..n_n..

When the Offering time came, my insides are sooo excited, but my outsides are trying to remain calm. When we were lined up at the back, ___ keeps on asking me questions like where will I stay, where will he stay, and blah..blah..(Halatang di pa niya kabisado kung anong gagawin niya pero na-mention naman niya sa akin na dati rin siya nag-serve dun..ang sweet niya n0h?! ^blush na naman^..n_n..). Subsequently, we let the offering bags pass. We did a different strategy..umm..it goes like this: I began to pass the bag at the first row while he started at the back (pretty analytical wasnt it..it was his idea..grabe ang talino niya n0h?!). What was really funny that moment was nagsesenyasan kami. Nakakatawa talaga kasi bago nya ipapasa yung bag sisiguraduhin niya ako muna tapos sunod nalang siya. Titingnan pa niya talaga ako..hehehe..n_n..Anyway, pag tumitingin ako sa mga mata niya di ko maiwasan maisip na..Shocks! Ang ganda rin pala ng mata niya!! Tapos nakaka-in love din ngiti niya!! In short..ANG GWAPO NIYA TALAGA!! Then, being kind enough (totoo ba t0h?! Hahaha..n_n..), sinabi ko ako na lang ang magdadala para ibigay dun sa mag-ooffer ng lahat ng bags. Ayun..binigay nga niya sa akin.. (di ba dapat nga lalake ang mag-ooffer? Anyway, mabait kc ako..n_n..) Before singing the closing song, I can’t stop myself from stealing a glance at ___ who was standing just beside the doorway. He really, really, really looks oh so, so, so handsome. Haii..how I only wish we would ever get even closer and get to know each other even more..

After that, Osan and I decided to eat at Tokyo Tokyo for lunch. While eating, the only main topics we talked about were: She and “her loveydovey” (hehehe..n_n..) and Me and ___ (hahaha..n_n..). We talked about what the future with our own men who we want to spend our lives with forever (aaahhh..!!), the children we would like to have (ala bakit ganun ang topic?! Hahaha..n_n..), and so, so, so many other things. She even told me that ___ and I really look like a cute couple (which actually made me kilig na kilig to the bones..n_n..). According to her, both of us almost have the same facial features which was in her mother’s opinion, the two people who almost have the same facial features will most likely end up together (hahaha..n_n..well..let’s see kung magkatototoo nga..) After a yummy lunch, we went to Comic Alley (near the Cinema) (hehehe..I bought two really gwapo pictures of my bishounen!!..n_n..), then to Quantum and played Soul Calibur (hehehe..I beat Osan a lot of times..halatang di ako sanay sa laro n0h?!..hahaha..n_n..), and finally, to Comic Alley (downstairs). Ang kulit naming dalawa..n_n..

When we finally came back to the church, we met up with Krizsa and told her that we went to SM which she (Krizsa) has also gone to a while ago (hahaha..di pa kami nagtagpo..Eh..pinuntahan rin niya yung mgab places na pinuntahan din namin kanina..n_n..) Anyway, binilhan naman niya kaming dalawa ng Ayashi no Ceres na card (Thanks Krish..n_n..!!). Then, pinilit kami pumasok kaso wala naman kami maintindihan (lalo na ako dahil hindi naman ako member pa..). Luckily, Osan was called for a choir practice at the basement, so we all went out. While waiting for Osan to finish, Krizsa and I talked about..umm..things and matters (ala!! What a combination!! Hahaha..n_n..). She then told me that ___ and I look great together (she was the third person who said that..) because we just look great together (hehehe..n_n..basta..). Sabi ko naman, “May chemistry kmi..” Then, she suddenly looked down to her Chemistry book and laughed. I as well laughed at the thought of that.

(Grabe!! Ang haba ng entry kong t0h?! World record!! Hahaha..n_n..) After all the fuss, Osan, Krizsa, Bea (who came just when Krizsa and I talked..), and I decided to make tambay at the lounge. Later on, Micah, Ate Masie, and Mark joined in as well (si Mark nga eh..mukhang sinapian kasi ang kulit, kulit, kulit, niya!!). Ang ingay-ingay nga naming eh, buti nga di kami pinapagalitan..

So ayun..ang gulo ng mundo ko n0h?! Pero ang saya-saya ko talaga ngayon!! Ochige..

Sayonara..n_n..

PS:

>>Pasalubong sa akin ni Daddy from Indonesia ay..isang CD of the best MP3 Anime and Japanese Songs!! Aaahhh..wala na talaga ako masasabi sa araw na t0h!! Ang saya ko!!
>>Bumili pala ako yesterday ng Lifehouse CD and..Shocks!! I love their songs so much!!
>>Hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ‘tong araw na t0h!!..n_n..
>>Hehe..pinagkaguluhan ang kapatid ko nung sinuot niya ang pointe shoes niya..n_n..
>>Hindi man lang napansin ni Mama na _____________________ (basta..hehe..mage-gets niyo rin yan..)

Cheska's thoughts at 10:37 PM

Hehe..hindi 'toh pang military..

To get straight to the point..please visit my Etc page..below my archives you would see a small box with a question that goes like this: Which Gundam Seed Destiny Guy You Will End Up With?..Please don't hesitate to answer this..I promise you it's really fun..n_n..

By the way..every change of my layout there will be a new question (expect that most of my questions will be related to Gundam Seed/Destiny or any other anime..n_n..)

Enjoy!!

Sayonara..n_n..

Cheska's thoughts at 4:29 PM

Hahaha..*laughs like a madman*..I'm juz feeling so high-spirited right now..n_n..Anyway, sorry if it took so long for me to post a new entry..

Fi-nal-ly!! Mid-quarter exams are over. The tests were quite easy I should say, but the Math..*tsk tsk tsk* I'm not sure if I'll get a high grade..it was really difficult especially when you were only given AN HOUR for the test!! Waaahhh..!! It should have been an hour and a half!!

Anyway..last Saturday was our church's Families' Day Out @ the La Mesa Eco Park..I had fun because almost all the people I was expecting to go there were..yeah..there..except for the fact there were a few youth people compared to a number of moms and dads there..Haha..we stayed at the playground for the sake of beating boredom..we actually felt like little kids..nyahaha..!!..n_n..Before ending the day @ the Eco Park..the youth went to the lagoon for a boat ride..(Osan and I didn't join for the boat ride because Tita Irene didn't allow us to..)..while the two of us had fun trying to skip rocks and watching them..Hehehe..n_n..

Sunday came and it was Mike's birthday..haha..n_n..ok nga eh..dhil nanlibre pa sya..n_n..Hehehe..then when we came back to the church..we saw the Young Ladies' Choir sing (hehe..ksama si Osan d2..ang ganda nya sa stage..n_n..)..That night..my family and Krizsa's family went to Yellow Cab for the celebration of Tita Dang's birthday..while the adults are having their own talk..Krizsa and I talked about so many things (hehe..HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL sorry..n_n..) Haha..ang saya-saya!! When my family and I got home, Bea and I saw Osan and Mike at the other side of the gate (may celebration rin kc dun..) tpos pinakita ni Bea sa kanila si Luna (yung alaga naming rabbit..)..hehe..gigil na gigil si Osan sa knya habang si Mike..hehe..nacucutan na rin..n_n..

So..ayun..yun lng naman nangyari for the whole week..bsta lang nung weekdays..boring dahil puro aral lng for the examinations..ba-bye!!..n_n..

Sayonara..n_n..

PS>>
Kug may love or just want to hear a sample of J-Pop and Gundam Seed Destiny OST..check out nyo ang Omokage by Kakishima Shinji who is actually Rey Za Burrel in the Gundam Seed Destiny series..instrumental sya pero ang ganda-ganda dahil puro piano lang..senti ng ang dating..you can download it here: http://seedgenesis.net..

Cheska's thoughts at 3:37 PM

He is the paint of a magnificent painting..
The air in which I breathe..
And the sound of every heartbeat..
He is my North..
My crush, my inspiration..

- Line/Thought of the week -

Counting down the days filled with my inspiration..

Monday -07.11.05-

I cant stop thinking of him..
(Am I shot by Cupids arrow?)..n_n..

Tuesday -07.12.05-

He still has his footprints in the sand. I keep on asking myself if I'm developing a crush on him already..
(I even thought if he will go to the event happening tomorrow..Hehehe..CCBCers you know about this event..n_n..I wish he will be able to go..)

Wednesday -07.13.05-
*freaks out, screams, and runs around the house*..I can not believe it!!*Speaks as she pants* He..he..he actually e-mailed me!! He really e-mailed me!! (It was not anything personal..just some kind of..church matter..n_n..) He told me that he just sent it because he can not figure out to whom he could send it to. I even chuckled lightly when I noticed he was being so polite (I mean..with the po and opo..) At first, I didn't know who it was, but when I read the name over and over again, I gasped with disbelief. I have the feeling that the sender was ______ (sorry..cant tell you yet..n_n..) because his user name as well as his e-mail ad perfectly matches! *freaks out..again..* That same night, mom asked me to deliver a cake to Tita Jot. When I went to their house (the Velasquez family is actually our neighbor..), I was surprised to see Mike. He said that the person who sent me the e-mail a while ago was really the person I was thinking of!! *this time really freaks out..* (He knew this because I texted him before I went to their house..). Gosh!! Im really freaked out!!

Thursday -07.14.05-
*freaks out for..how many times already?..hehe..n_n..* Why does he (my inspiration..) always appear everywhere and in whatever I do?! (He even showed up in my Biology test!!)

I replied to his message just like Mike said..I can't wait for him to reply my message!!..n_n..

Friday (Today) -07.15.05-
*claps her hands happily* I can't wait for tomorrow!! All my friends will be there (except for Krizsa..awww..)!! I hope he will be there, too!!

Still no reply yet..but I managed to add him in my Friendster account!!..n_n..

So..am I absolutely inspired? I just hope I would be able to meet his standards..He is way, way up there while I am stuck at the bittersweet half..Anyway..I hope he would serve not only as an inspiration in my heart but also an inspiration in my studies (I wish I would be able to meet his standards..*sigh*)..

Sayonara..n_n..

PS:
>>If wondering who my new inspiration is..well..a few people only know..but anyway, one clue for you is that he is sooo, sooo much better than my last..so..take a look around..n_n..
>>Gundam Seed Destiny Update:
- Fourth OP of Gundam Seed Destiny is Wings of Words by CHEMISTRY
- Fourth ED of Gundam Seed Destiny is Kimi Wa Boku Ni Niteiru (You Like Me) by SEE-SAW
- Unexpected loveteam!! It is not Rey and Lunamaria, but Shin and Lunamaria!! (I even saw a
screenshot of them hugging and kissing each other!!)

Cheska's thoughts at 5:10 PM

I just love Sunday’s!! I feel so hyper!! I love..love..love Sunday’s!! *dances around the house*

A while ago, I, Osan, and, Krizsa hangout at Starbucks. Osan showed us a picture..(hehe..bsta bagay n0h?!..n_n..how mushy..how sweet..how Goldilocks..hehe..n_n..) and Krizsa told us the reason why she wore fink..I mean pink today..because of him (di sya toh..ibang him..bsta..no more further explanations..). Ayun..bsta..ang ingay namin..n_n..

Hehe..nagkita rn kmi ni besty (hehe..bday na nya next week!! ganyan tlga pag unti-unti na nagiging kuya..ahihihihi..n_n..). We talked for a while. He told me that he talked to her over the phone just to know how she is already and nothing more. I guess he took my advice to absolutely forget what he felt for her before.

*sigh* Ayun..yun lang naman ang summary ng mga nangyari sa ngyn..Before I forget..ang cuuuttteee..cuuuttteee ng bago kong layout! My welcome note is the song They Always Talk About by Rie Fu (hehe..ewan ko kung anong connection nya sa blog ko pro bsta ang ganda ng song!! pwamis..n_n..). The reason why the song is both English and Japanese is because Rie Fu studied the English language in London, but her nationality is still Japanese (hehe..feel ko lang i-share..n_n..I love Rie Fu!!). Anyway, yun lang..n_n..

Sayonara..n_n..

By the way..

Nagkasalubong kmi ni HIM kanina habang ksama ko si Osan..dhil parehas kmi may galit sa ewan na taong yun..di naming sya pinansin..

May pinagusapan kmi ni mommy kanina..hehe..basta it’s something very special..

Mga pupunta sa Families’ Day Out ng CCBC..kita-kits sa Saturday sa La Mesa Eco Park..n_n..

May nacucutan akong tao..pero di ko pa sya crush..bsta I really find that certain person cute..n_n..Highly approved by my besty pa..n_n..*blush..blush..blush*

Cheska's thoughts at 7:15 PM

Ouch! My body still aches..I fell down the stairs at home after I woke up from bed yesterday lucky enough that I was holding the handrail and landed on my b***..should I even say that?! Alright..enough!>, then we had our PE class and did sit-ups and push-ups. Well..that's enough of my aching problem..

I felt proud of myself today because I won the position for president in our Journalism Club in school *imagines a lot of people applausing..n_n..* . Well, I was the only ate in the class and perhaps the only one who had an experience being one of the staff members of the school's newspaper. I only pray that I would be a good president and leader for all of the club members.

It was really fun watching a documentary while learning something in it..especially when it's full action. The documentary I'm talking about is about Michael Jordan. It was really a great one -- his qualities, his dream, the obstacles, and of course, his triumphs. I hope we get to watch more interesting documentaries in the coming quarters..

I think that's it for me..

Sayonara..n_n..

PS: Please..please..please..support my fanfic by sending your reviews..I already have the link in my LINKS area..

Cheska's thoughts at 7:15 PM

Yehey! Finally! *jumps up and down with joy*..n_n..

For those who have a hard time finding my fanfic in http://www.fanfiction.net, you now can easily get to it! I already to my links the url of my fic..you can either select the permanent or the easy one (I just don't know the difference..).

Before I buzz out here, I had already finished my fanfic's 6th chapter..hope you'll love it!!..n_n..

I just love Rie Fu!!!..n_n..

Buzz out..

Cheska's thoughts at 7:30 PM

Two nights ago, we talked (or rather specifically..texted..Those who are my closest friends in church..you know who I'm talking about..). We talked about a lot of things..particularly "HIS sport". He also told me he has a decision to make whether to leave to make his dream come true or to stay and let go of that once-in-a-lifetime oppurtunity. Another reason is "HIS love" who is migrating in the place he will soon go. She makes up 90% of his decision, he added.

HE wants to go..I know HE wants to go..but what I really HATE about HIM is what he said. HE'S so MAHANGIN..I REALLY HATE HIM!!! That time, I was really cold to HIM. I didn't care if he leaves or not..I even heard my mind screaming: "IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE, THEN LEAVE!!!" I know that was pretty nasty, but..HE's so insensitive..he only cares about HIS ambition..and HIS girl (Hey guyz..don't even think that I like this JERK (sorry for the term..)..). I can't help being frank, but what I really want to say is..Now, HE's going for HIS dream. But, what about HIS studies? Yeah, I know HE's rich, but..is HE already contented with a life of only a ______ player? HE even mentioned about HE being famous..what if that wouldn't happen? What will happen next?

I know I have no rights to say any of those words, but HE's still my friend even though I'm still angry at HIM. If he wants to leave, then leave because everyone in this world wants to fulfill his/her dream.

To my church ka-barkads>>

By the way, I can't explain the whole story. You will also get to know everything we talked about when he's ready. I advised him about it. Before I go, I just want to say that..be ready for what he's about to say.

Sayonara..

Cheska's thoughts at 7:15 PM