[These thoughts dated back March 14, '06]... How can life be so cruel? It all started out in acquaintance. We began to develop communication. Then, I felt like the world crashed down on me.
It was my fault...really. I shouldn't have barged into someone's life. I was wrong -- very wrong.
Last night, I read his message archive in my YM. I missed all his conversations we had. Those smilies, jokes, and even the simple, "eh ikaw? Ano ginagawa mo?" -- everything we talked about became so precious to me. Now, he seems so far away. I couldn't reach him -- no matter how far I could stretch my arms. We met each other's eyes yesterday. I wanted to say "Hi", but he immediately looked away. What's more painful is that the lines on his face showed nothing as well as his eyes.
I guess he really loves her. Even though, he denied the truth to me, I know my eyes are not deceiving me. They are "on". There is even enough proof. It's over. I'm over.
One night, I thought of telling him how I feel for him. He wouldn't care, right? Why would a guy in a relationship care? However, one of my best friend's talked some sense into me. If I told him, I would only hope he could return my feelings. The worst thing is that when the girl gets to know about this, they may split up and I'm the one to blame. I don't want that to happen. I don't want to be the one to blame.
Well, the only thing I can do is forget Jim. Yes, I know how much it hurts. It hurts more than being rejected. I thought things would patch up again, but there's no hope at all anymore.
"I'm doing this for both our sakes. Those conversations we had will only be a memory. Thank you for your kindness. It was really nice knowing you. I wish you the best with Honey. Goodbye..." ...Maybe it’s best you leave me alone A weight is lifted On this evening I give the final blow When darkness turns to light, It ends tonight It ends tonight A falling star Least I fall alone I can’t explain what you can’t explain You're finding things that you didn’t know I look at you with such disdain ~ "It Ends Tonight" by All-American Rejects
Cheska's thoughts at 4:37 AM
life's sweetness..
The sound that sting one's ears, the smell of damp paper left outside to humidify and dehydrate, the unconscious minds and treacherous hearts were all but a part of the melodrama.
