Ok, let's get down to business...May 29: Jillion's Despedida Party..Haha..actually it wasn't really a despedida party. It was more of a get-together before he left to Surigao. Aww..we will all miss him. There were many of us..pwamiz! Ehem..let me name them - Jillion, Osan, Me, Jethro, Jec, Wiley, and Kuya Merill, then followed by Pito, then again followed by, Ate R. A., Kuya Lemuel, Krizsa, Mark, Kuya Osep, and Myk (who stayed only for a while). Hehehe..dami namin noh?! I hope I didn't forget anyone. :)Hahaha..daming happenings!!! :D Sayang ala me photos na pwed ilagay dito...May 30: My Sister's Recital..We practically stayed there for the whole day. The recital was great (except for the few numbers which was a total disaster). Bwahahaha..I can sometimes be so cruel.Sorry for the shortness of everything. I just don't feel like blogging right now. By the way, I'll be away for 4 days starting tomorrow. We are going to Baguio (due to my sister's demand..hehehe). That also means that I won't be attending church. So, that's people! See ya! :D
Cheska's thoughts at 11:14 PM
I'm not saying that my 'emotional turmoil' is over. Yes, there is more to come. A LOT more to come. However, I finally got rid of those thoughts as well as those unstable emotions. This is already the end of the line.
We had a lot of conversations a while ago. Miraculously, I controlled them. I put on the usual face and didn't show any sign. I guess some people were right. I may look like a 14-year old, but I have a mind of a 16-year old.
You would probably ask if that would be a compliment or an insult. Well, of course, I take it as a compliment. I usually like looking, thinking, and even acting more mature even when I was at a young age. Hahaha...probably I have this instinct in me that tells me that I should be sure in everything I do.
Anyway, I felt good with what I did. I didn't want to sacrifice the one thing that binds us together. Even though he doesn't tell me exactly, I know that he values me as an important friend in different ways. So, why waste it? Yes, it isn't bad to sacrifice something precious especially for the sake of other people, but what I'm pointing out here is that I might sacrifice something very valuable to both of us for the sake of what my heart desires only and not what he desires. It's that thing called selfishness.
I'm just glad I could go on with my life without that thought bugging me every now and then. I'm also glad that I can finally control my feelings towards other people. :)
Cheska's thoughts at 1:20 AM
Ok, before the highlight of this post, I just want to thank you all (especially to Ate Karen who made an effort to come to my house just to talk to me about my current situation, and Ate Ai who is always there, helping me smile through her tags) for making me feel a lot better. Even though I admit I am not yet 100% OK, but through your kind words, the pain in my heart is slowly fleeting away. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for everything.Ehem...due to insistent public demand (particularly from Lola Ai [hehe..jowk lang! :D]), I now present you my Youth Summer Camp Testimony! Yehey! :DWords aren’t enough to explain or even describe the joy and happiness I felt during the camp. Every time I reminisce those days, I feel like traveling back in time and witnessing all the happenings.During our last day in camp, some of us were asked to describe SAKTO or our experience during the camp in a single word. I thought about it for a moment and, finally, my mind came up with the right word I was looking for. For me, the experience was LIFE CHANGING. I got out of my shell and made friends especially to my cabin mates. It was kind of awkward at first for almost all of us had the same steady personality. However, we couldn’t contain ourselves resulting to a sisterly bond. I also came to know people who became close to my heart for a short period of time. They were my group mates in various activities. Most of them gave me a good laugh, thanks to their hilarious personalities. And of course, letting myself grow continually in Christ.In part of this growth was a burning passion to share God’s Word. I wanted to share the gospel to my classmates before, but something was holding me back. With the help of our Peer-to-Peer Session, the once little flame has now turned into a huge one. I learned new strategies in challenging peers to respond to the truth of God’s Word, focusing on being the influencer and not the influenced, and what to do if the person is unresponsive to your intention of sharing of the gospel, which is probably one of the main reasons that hinders me from sharing God’s Word. I want my “lost” friends know Christ like I’ve known Him. I want them to experience how wonderful it is to have Jesus Christ in my life.My eyes are now opened. I am more determined and more confident than ever. I have now set my goal that this coming school year I will be able to share the good news to a few of my friends and help them continue to grow in Christ. This is what I want to do. This is what I will do.Oh, how I wish I could go back in time. I’ve learned a lot of things and even developed into someone that I didn’t know I could be. I am looking forward to join the next camp. Sa ngayon, alam ko SAKTO na ako sa mata ng Panginoon.Ayan na ang inaabangan mo Ate Ai! Hehehe...
Cheska's thoughts at 11:03 PM
Honestly speaking, I never thought many of you would get worried over my latest post. I was touched with everyone who were concerned over my dilemma.Thank you, Ate Ai and Ate Karen. Thank you so much.I feel quite ashamed right now. I've made almost all of you worry. I'm sorry.Days have past and I am slowly getting better. I guess your prayers are now answered. Thank you so much for the prayers as well as the concern. Thank you. :)
Cheska's thoughts at 12:54 AM
Confusion of my heart...
How can you stay TRUE to that person, to yourself, and to your feelings?
If I cover them up, am I doing a LIE?
LOVE...
I don't know how to stay true on both sides...
Cheska's thoughts at 10:01 PM
I could be a called a 'drama queen' if I continued crying like last night...I woke up in the morning, tortemented on what I did last night. I cried to the Him again. I can't tell anybody what I felt yesterday, so I poured my heart to the very best friend a person can ever have. I remembered what I told Him. I didn't like what I'm feeling. I know a Christian shouldn't feel what I felt yesterday. It was wrong -- so wrong. I felt like I've hurt Him. I couldn't contain the tears and started to pray other matters that continued to bother my heart and my mind. I am so torn.You would probably think I'm the girl without any worries because I always smile and laugh. You see, I'm only wearing a mask and it's beginning get tough for me to pretend for I am not born like that. I am a person who's very transparent, so it's so difficult to be in a situation wherein I have to fake it. It's easy to fake it, but difficult to stay true.I am in a battle between my selfishness and what is right in God's eyes..."Lord, I'm very sorry for what I felt and even thought yesterday. I pray that you would forgive me for my selfishness. I pray that you would help me in the next emotional and spiritual battles in the future."Love Song for a Savior
Jars of Clay
In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion
"I want to fall in love with You"
"My heart beats for You"
I feel like crying again. I'm sorry if I can't tell everything.This is my first time to share my most innermost thoughts and feelings...
Cheska's thoughts at 10:26 PM
Sayang at di nyo mababasa ang title ng post na toh..Another C-R-A-Z-Y day, I guess. Seems every passing day blows my head away.Summer is almost ending, so it is to my Ballroom Summer Workshop. (Actually, it already ended.) I'm going to miss dancing those complicated steps and the beautiful choreography. Haii..sarap pala sumayaw, at ngayon ko lang na-appreciate. Inaamin ko na hindi naman ako talagang dancer. In fact, I don't have the lines and of course, the body. However, it seems I found the dance that could probably be suited for me. I do not intend to dance professionally like those who are joining in international competitions, but ballroom could be a form of recreation and even a hobby. I want to dance Ballroom again. I want to dance like the ones I watched during my recital a while ago. They were so good...very, very good. I'll be back in the Ballroom dance floor. I know I will because I'm interested to take regular classes. :)After my recital, I was off to church for Ate Karen told me that our COC was about to do something. I thought it was going to be about the fellowship, but it turned out that it was one of the girls in LC, Rose. It was her birthday! Hehehe.. :D Wala kami actually ginawa dun kundi tumawa ng tumawa (of course, kumain din kami. Sarap nga ng kakanin eh! :D) Ewan ko ba kung bakit, bastah, feeling ko lahat ng tao dun (lalo na si Anding) nasisiraan ng bait! Hehehe.. Sori kung di ko masyado ma-share, but that's practically all of it! :DIto nalang ang iiwan ko sa inyo........................................................"HUWAG MO SIYANG AGAWIN SAKIN!""DON'T WORRY, CHESKA. SAYONG-SAYO NAMAN SIYA."Hehehe..wala lang. Babye! ;)
Cheska's thoughts at 2:44 AM
Just a couple of matters to blog about...Let's start first with the Navigation problem concerning my blog. Everything is alright, since my father and I don't see any problem. I hope you people would get to access my entries already. :)Second, missing a certain somebody results an unexpected surprise. Yeah, I was missing somebody terribly. Good thing, I got over it with the help of my craziness over Jun Matsumoto (Shin Sawada) of "Gokusen". Well, who wouldn't if get to see guy like him? Just take a look...
Hehehe..not bad, right?:D Well, that was until last night. I was finally relieved that he was alright and just made a minor mistake. Hahaha..God really knows how to put on great jokes. :D However, I still learned a lesson that I hope I wouldn't forget: Don't be a such a pessimist!
Cheska's thoughts at 11:43 PM
I can't help but being bothered..Yesterday, my besty (Myk) and I talked on the phone on a number of important matters. He asked me some questions that I am still bothered about. Haii..di ko talaga maintindihan. Di ba dapat kung may love life ka, eh masaya ka? Bakit sa akin di ganun, mas naging problemado pa! Haii..There were two of his questions that I didn't answer. I can answer his question, but I don't know if it is right or wrong. I'm really bothered until now.Advice for girls who are younger than me: DON'T FALL IN LOVE YET..
Cheska's thoughts at 5:33 AM
Yahoo!!! ONE year na ang blog ko!!! :D Blowout! Blowout! Joke lng..:PHehe..tagal ko na di nakapag-update. Madalas kasi akong tamarin o naman kaya busy sa pag-aasikaso sa mga fanfiction stories na ginagawa ko. Haii..anyway, I have to admit na na-miss ko blog ko.. (Awww...).
So, what's with this month's theme? Kung napansin niyo may pieces of lyrics dyan sa may taas at baba ng blog ko, well, tama kayo dyan! Actually, lyrics yan ng kanta ni Michelle Branch na "Everywhere". Yeah, it is a love song, but I decided to give it a different meaning. Instead of a certain guy (wala akong tinutukoy kaya wag na kayo mag-isip pa..), it is GOD who I see everywhere. Tinamaan nga ako dun sa part na nagsasabi: "when I close my eyes, it's you I see". So, ayun, I like that part the most. :)
Yung tungkol naman sa aking "Welcome Note", actually di naman talaga "Voice of Truth" ang dapat. I was thinking of a song na magfi-fit nga dun sa message ng lyrics pero naisipan ko na matatagalan at mahihirapan pa ako. Finally, I came up with "I Believe in You" sang by Il Divo and Celine Dion. Nung una ko siya narinig sa TV (actually theme song ito ng chinovela na "Eternal Love"), naiyak ako. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero I think it was because the lyrics was too beautiful. Kung papakinggan niyo pa yung song itself, maluluha rin kayo. Pwamiz!
Anyway, enough said about my blog. Excited na ako ikwento sa inyo ang experience ko sa naganap na Youth Summer Camp nung May 2-5 sa Rizal Re-Creation Center. Ehem...Words not enough to express the happiness I had during the camp. I don't know. A mixture of emotions just keep sweeping me off my feet. Everytime I reminisce those days, I feel like I'm there all over again.
If I were to describe my experience, it was indeed Life-Changing. I developed friendships without any need of letting them approach me and went out of my circle. I also came to know people who became close to my heart for a short period of time. And of course, letting myself grow in Christ.
My life is slowly starting to change. I now have this passion in me to share God's Word and be part of The Great Commission. My eyes are now opened. I am now more confident than ever. This is what I want to do. This is what I will do.
Now the camp has ended, I hope and I pray to see the youth do what they have learned during the "Sessions". I also pray for the people who I don't usually see in church attend Sunday School and Youth Gatherings not because their friends are there, but develop a passion for serving God like I do now. Last but not the least, I pray as well that the Youth Ministry would continue to live on with such activities such as this.
To the people behind this event, I am truly grateful for what have you done to many young people such as me. Ngayon, alam ko SAKTO na ako sa mata ng Panginoon.
There and then. That is my short testimony about my experience in SAKTO camp. I am now looking forward to attend the next camp! :D
By the way, bago ako umalis, I just want to thank a friend of mine who had been used by God to answer my prayer.
"Pito, kapateed! Kahit di mo alam, naging malakas ang tama sakin yung sinabi mo dun sa blog mo about na may nagtanong sayo kung wala ka makita maganda sa buhay ng isang tao. Thank you sa advice mo kapateed! Ang sinabi mo afterwards became an answered prayer when I cried to the Lord last night. Thank you, thank you, thank you! "
Ayun lang..see yah next time!!! :D
Cheska's thoughts at 5:01 AM
