I'm not saying that my 'emotional turmoil' is over. Yes, there is more to come. A LOT more to come. However, I finally got rid of those thoughts as well as those unstable emotions. This is already the end of the line.
We had a lot of conversations a while ago. Miraculously, I controlled them. I put on the usual face and didn't show any sign. I guess some people were right. I may look like a 14-year old, but I have a mind of a 16-year old.
You would probably ask if that would be a compliment or an insult. Well, of course, I take it as a compliment. I usually like looking, thinking, and even acting more mature even when I was at a young age. Hahaha...probably I have this instinct in me that tells me that I should be sure in everything I do.
Anyway, I felt good with what I did. I didn't want to sacrifice the one thing that binds us together. Even though he doesn't tell me exactly, I know that he values me as an important friend in different ways. So, why waste it? Yes, it isn't bad to sacrifice something precious especially for the sake of other people, but what I'm pointing out here is that I might sacrifice something very valuable to both of us for the sake of what my heart desires only and not what he desires. It's that thing called selfishness.
I'm just glad I could go on with my life without that thought bugging me every now and then. I'm also glad that I can finally control my feelings towards other people. :)
Cheska's thoughts at 1:20 AM
life's sweetness..
The sound that sting one's ears, the smell of damp paper left outside to humidify and dehydrate, the unconscious minds and treacherous hearts were all but a part of the melodrama.
