I could be a called a 'drama queen' if I continued crying like last night...I woke up in the morning, tortemented on what I did last night. I cried to the Him again. I can't tell anybody what I felt yesterday, so I poured my heart to the very best friend a person can ever have. I remembered what I told Him. I didn't like what I'm feeling. I know a Christian shouldn't feel what I felt yesterday. It was wrong -- so wrong. I felt like I've hurt Him. I couldn't contain the tears and started to pray other matters that continued to bother my heart and my mind. I am so torn.You would probably think I'm the girl without any worries because I always smile and laugh. You see, I'm only wearing a mask and it's beginning get tough for me to pretend for I am not born like that. I am a person who's very transparent, so it's so difficult to be in a situation wherein I have to fake it. It's easy to fake it, but difficult to stay true.I am in a battle between my selfishness and what is right in God's eyes..."Lord, I'm very sorry for what I felt and even thought yesterday. I pray that you would forgive me for my selfishness. I pray that you would help me in the next emotional and spiritual battles in the future."Love Song for a Savior
Jars of Clay
In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion
"I want to fall in love with You"
"My heart beats for You"
I feel like crying again. I'm sorry if I can't tell everything.This is my first time to share my most innermost thoughts and feelings...
Cheska's thoughts at 10:26 PM
