I want to hold on, but I need to let go...I dropped everything on the table. I had enough and I don't want to continue any longer. I know this can make me lose my deportment, but I can't stand it any longer. Watching them practice with their new and more respected leader a while ago made me cry. I have come to realize that I couldn't be a good leader. Those awards of leadership in the past are all buried now. They even seem like it was only a dream. Leadership is too much for me, especially when the people around you don't give you any respect.On the bright side, someone shared the same pain I felt. I didn't expect it to be her, but I was glad it was her. She too feels disrespected and other people in which she named. I envy her for not even caring about the whole thing even though it hurts her. What finally made me smile were the things she said. I don't remember all, but those words were enough to lift my burden a little. Recyn, thank you for making me feel better. I probably would still be crying if you didn't talk to me. :)My burden was lifted a little bit, so I am not fully happy and back to my normal self. Help me smile. Help me laugh. Help me to feel really better. It doesn't matter who you are, but I just need somebody to bring back the real me...
Cheska's thoughts at 2:44 AM
Busy, busy, busy, busy. Good thing there are days for vacation. :) Ok, time for the updates.
Last Week:
*blush* <-- I don't want to think about about what happened last week. It really made me blush..ehem..
"As much as possible, limit encounters with him..."
My thought after last week: "What if the 'encounter' is always the one coming near me?"
Ok, enough of that...
Yesterday:
Ooohhh...I bet those clouds are heading for Manila.
The lights are so beautiful! :D [Royale Tagaytay Clubhouse]
My sister and my dad..
Stars, stars, and more stars. It's amazing how they managed to place them up there...
People say we look alike..:D
Cheska's thoughts at 4:50 AM
Honestly, I don't know where to start.One year had elapsed since he caught my attention. One year had elapsed since I noticed how charming he was. There were numerous instances that happened between us, even I can't seem to remember all. Over the summer, my heartbeat rose to a new level. We grew a lot closer than before. I kept my friendly face even though it hurts me inside. I thought I was lying to him and to myself. Yet, he was there making my day seem brighter. A smile is always plastered on my face whenever I feel his presence, even with just a simple "hi" or hello". He became my inspiration, even with the perspectives on what my heart says.I never knew that he would come back. I even forgot all about him. It had been almost five years since he left. Who would ever thought that someone would come back after such a long period of time? When he returned, I noticed how he has changed. He wasn't that smart anymore. He has even become one of "the boys" (you probably know what I mean, don't you?). He grew into a "Super D" person. He has become to proud of himself. The list goes on. He just isn't that cute boy I had a crush on in my elementary years. I was stuck with another one, so I thought it would be impossible for me not to fall for him anymore. My own pillow betrayed me. We grew close, somewhat similar to the closeness I have with the other. He began to tease and joke around me, making me ride along. Our personalities somewhat match. And physically speaking, I love his eyes. They are not the kind of eyes you usually see. We became too close, making my "rival" kind of jealous. But, he used you! Have you even thought about that?! Yes, I thought about that. However, I don't know why how the past came back.Masaya na ako kay Number 1, ngunit si Number 2 ay bumalik. Kapag wala si Number 1, si Number 2 ang nagpapaligaya sa akin and vice versa. Bakit tuwing kailan masaya ako sa isa, saka sisingit naman ang isa?- MeKung mahal mo talaga siya, patunayan mo sa akin. Pababalikin ko si Number 2.- GodHe wants to tell me something through Number 1 and Number 2.
Cheska's thoughts at 12:49 AM
Oo
Up Dharma Down
Di mo lang alam, naiisip kita
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
Di mo lang alam, hanggang sa gabi
Inaasam makita kang muli
Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang
Panahon at ngayon ako'y iyong iniwang
Luhaang, sugatan't, di mapakinabangan
Sana nagtanong ka lang kung di mo lang alam
Ako'y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo namang
Hindi mo lang alam kay tagal nang panahon
Ako'y naririto pa rin hanggang ngayon, para sa iyo
Lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
Di pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
Kung ako'y nagkasala, patawad na sana
Ang puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal
Wooh...
Di mo lang alam ako'y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo namang
Puro siya na lang, sana'y ako naman
Di mo lang alam ika'y minamasdan
Sana'y iyong mamalayang
Hindi mo lang pala alam
Kahit tayo'y magkaibigan lang
Bumabalik lahat sa tuwing nagkukulitan
Baka sakali lang, maisip mo namang ako'y nandito lang
Hindi mo lang alam, matalino ka naman
Kung ikaw at ako ay tunay na bigo
Sa laro na ito ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana'y di ka na lang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako'y 'yong masasaktan ng ganito
Sana'y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko
Wooh...
Malas mo...
Ikaw ang natipuhan ko
Di mo lang alam, ako'y iyong nasaktan
Obviously dedicated to a certain person, Mr. The One Gone. Nasasaktan nga ako everytime naririnig ko yung kantang yan sa radyo. Explain ko yung mga naka-underline:
Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang/Panahon at ngayon ako'y iyong iniwang/Luhaang, sugatan't, di mapakinabangan...Ako'y iyong nasaktan = practically explains everything. Akala ko na maaring bumalik yung pagtitinginan namin sa isa't isa, pero nasaktan nga ako..
Puro siya na lang, sana'y ako naman/Di mo lang alam ika'y minamasdan = di ko maiwasang magselos na mas napapansin niya siya na halatang nagkakandarapa sa kanya..
Kahit tayo'y magkaibigan lang/Bumabalik lahat sa tuwing nagkukulitan = since kaklase ko naman siya, I consider him a friend as well. Bumabalik lahat sa akin especially pag pinagtitripan niya ako. Kinakanchawan nga namin ang isa't isa kanina eh..
Sana'y di ka na lang pala aking nakilala/Kung alam ko lang ako'y 'yong masasaktan ng ganito = nahulog ang loob ko sa kanya at yun pala sasaktan niya ako...kahit di niya alam..
Nagbago talaga siya. Hindi na siya yung taong nakilala ko. Kung ganun man lang, nagbago narin ang tingin ko sa kanya.
Manggagamit.
Cheska's thoughts at 5:17 AM
Haii salamat at nakapag-computer muli ako! :) Pasensya na, ang dami ko kasing ginagawa eh. Napapagod na nga ako eh, plus the most terrifying is...nagkakaroon na ako ng dark circles and eyebags sa mata ko!!! Waaahhh..nagkakandalosya-losya na beauty ko!!! Hehehe..lakas ng tama ko noh?!?! Bwahahaha..So, ano ang nangyari sa akin for the past weeks? Hmm..dami eh. Sabihin ko na lang mga highlights:- Pinili ako bilang isa sa mga emcees sa First Quarter Convocation namin! Yehey! Natupad narin ang matagal ko nang pinapangarap! :D
- I felt proud of myself with all the achievements I did -- the keyboard made out of colorful sponges (hehe..) and the poem recitation.
- Ang ganda ng concert ng Pussycat Dolls!! Woohoo! Well, that is except for the 'blah-blahs' and the 'boo-boos' by some unknown frontliners. Bwahaha..Pussycat Dolls fan na ako!!
- Hahaha..lalo akong nai-in love sa kanya!! Ang sweet kasi niya plus ang cute cute niya!! :D
Hahaha..the rest mga patawa at kung anu-anong ka-churvahan (lalo na sa classroom namin)..hahaha.. :D Shocks! Ang lakas talaga ng tama ko ngayon! :D
Cheska's thoughts at 3:03 AM
