• A Tremedous Leap of Faith
• Regional Secondary Schools Press Conference
• Voice of Our Youth
• Healing
• It's Party Time!
• The Quality of Being True or Real

A Tremendous Leap of Faith

Everything was packed. Balik-bayan boxes were everywhere. The cupboards were empty; my mother’s figurines weren’t displayed anymore -- the house was bear. The truck came in that morning. It was really time to move.

Two months. For two months, we begged, prayed, and waited. And honestly, I still can’t believe by the fact that we already have a house that we can call our own. OUR HOUSE. It just sounds so different when you say it.

November 26, 2006 marked the beginning of a new life in our new home. A new tapestry full of memories will be woven. I asked mom if we’re going to stay here forever, and she nodded. Many things will happen under a new roof. My sister will soon be in high school while I will soon be off to college as well. A lot more will unfold. A whole lot more.

Every time I look at our new house from outside, I thank God for all that we have been through. My parents weren’t the only one who struggled during those times, my sister and I as well. We even doubted God’s plan for the house because He was so silent. We were wrong. He was listening during all those times of turmoil. He was just testing our patience and even our faith on His plans.

One night, my mother showed me a newspaper article she had kept over a year. The house in the article looked exactly like our new house! Only, it is a little bit bigger. We checked the date and it read “September 2005”. What a coincidence, isn’t it? It was in God’s plan all along!

This experience taught us to rely on Him. We shouldn’t rush into things. God has a perfect plan for everyone. All we need is a tremendous leap of faith.

Regional Secondary Schools Press Conference

Ever since the day I attended the Journalism Workshop back when I was in Grade 4, I fell in love with all forms of writing, especially journalism. Honestly, I wanted to back out from the very first day. But, I realized this might be the very thing I am destined for.

I became excited when our journalism adviser announced to me on such a short notice that I will be joining in the Regional Secondary Schools Press Conference (RSSPC). I miss competing in the field of writing! Without any hesitation, I agreed to join.

The day of the contest finally arrived. We were seated at the back, so you could probably just imagine us yawning because we can’t hear anything. After hours of just sitting there, it was time for the contest proper. I was one of the people who had to wait for hours because I am competing for one category only, Copy reading and Headline Writing, my forte and favorite.

Before battling our wits on grammar and editing, participants for Copy reading and Headline Writing were honored to have Mr. Isagani Yambut, publisher of the Philippine Daily Inquirer, as our judge. He gave us a quick briefing on what he was looking for and other tips that we can use. Unfortunately, there wasn’t any time left for any of us to have an autograph from him.

I frankly had a difficult time copy reading. I am sure that I won’t be able to go to Baguio were the Nationals will be held nor be among the Top 10. It happened just as I expected. We had little time left for the training that’s why we weren’t that prepared. That’s when I began to miss once again our former journalism adviser, Mrs. Digna Umali.

I fell in love with journalism because of her. She was the one who unwrapped the gift that was hidden in me -- the gift of writing. She was the first to worry why I left Saint Claire when I was a freshman. I miss her so much already. I really want to talk to her someday.

Anyway, as for the contest, I will be much more prepared in my senior year. I am not really aspiring to rank first, but to become one of the students, who are part of the Top 10 in the Nationals, is already a great honor for me.

Voice of Our Youth

In class, I was considered as one of the best speakers by my teachers and classmates. My voice then reached to Villa Corrina when I was chosen to be one of the emcees of our First Convocation. I was satisfied with all of that, but I never knew that my voice could even soar to greater heights.

I had just finished eating dinner when the phone rang. Our helper picked up the phone and told me it was one of my teachers. I was curious on who could it be. I was then surprised when I knew that it was Sir Castro, my teacher in Grammar. At first, I thought he was going to give me an errand, but he told me something that was unexpected. He told me that I was chosen to represent the school in the coming Voice of Our Youth: National Impromptu Speaking Competition. I was completely surprised. I asked him again, thinking that I must be hallucinating, but his news was true. I was stammering when we continued to talk about it. After putting the phone back to where it belongs, I screamed and jumped up and down with joy. I couldn’t believe it! Out of hundreds of students, I, a third year student, was chosen to become a participant of this contest! What honor it is for me!

The training lasted for many weeks. And during those times, I even have my own drama. A couple of years ago, we had reached the Nationals because of one particular student. I couldn’t deny on how wonderful she talks back when I was in elementary, but comparing me from her by other teachers was too much. No one likes to be compared from anyone else right? But to the fact that the teachers are the ones who are doing the comparison is painful for me. What even hurts me is that I could hear them so clearly! I want to tell them that I am me. I am not that student. We have our own ways of speaking and both of us are unique from each other. I composed myself with those thoughts. They would never listen to me, especially I am not that student they’re referring to.

The date of the contest was postponed a couple of times. I smiled thinking that God was giving me more time to prepare myself so I would be declared as the winner or among the students who will proceed to the second eliminations. Or so I thought…

The moment had finally come. Surprisingly, I found myself relaxed as if I was there wasn’t any contest. The contest proper started late than what was designated. We drew lots to know ho comes first, second, and so forth. I was the fifth to speak. We, contestants, were guided to stay in a waiting room. Inside, I made a few acquaintances -- the participant from Ramon Magsaysay High School, from Grace Christian Academy, from Stella Maris, from Saint Anthony, and from Ateneo De Manila High School. After long minutes of composing myself and organizing my ideas, I was finally called to speak.

I couldn’t remember what I said or how I talked, all I know is that I went berserk. After a probable four minutes of talking, I became comfortable of what I did. There might be a possibility that I can be part of the Top 6 (we were 12, which means they will get half) that will proceed to the second eliminations.

After a not-so-sumptuous meal, it was time for the announcement of winners. We were all called in front to get our certificates of participation. As each student was called, the more I became excited to hear my name. 6th… 5th… 4th… 3rd… 2nd… and finally, the 1st. For a while, my chest began to ache. My heart stopped pounding. I can’t breathe. My world crumbled to the ground.

I didn’t make it. I returned to my seat silently. I can’t look at anyone right now, especially to my teacher. I kept on pressing my lips until I could feel the pain. This must be a nightmare, but wasn’t. I didn’t make it for real. I wanted to cry right there and then, but I fought the tears. I don’t want anyone to see me crying. Not in front of many people.

I stayed silent until the rest of the trip back to school. None of us dared to speak a single word. When we finally got there, I wanted to run away. But I can’t. I still need to face them no matter what. Every time, they would ask me on how did I do, whether a teacher or student, I just simply shake my head. Their answers vary, but they all mean the same thing -- “it’s OK, at least you had the experience”. I put on a fake smile, letting them know that I’m fine.

I would never forget what Kathy told me when she knew what happened: “OK lang yan, Cheska. Ikaw pa rin ang aming ‘summary’. Astig ka pa rin.” I just want to cry and hug her after she said that. I never knew that someone would say something like that to me, especially after what had happened.

When my mother finally came to fetch me, I let the tears fall. Instead of putting her hands on the steering wheel, she placed her hands around me and tried to comfort me. From streams, my tears became rivers that were endlessly flowing. I couldn’t stop. I was miserable. I failed my parents, my classmates, my friends, my teachers -- everyone who expected me to win. What even hurts me more is that everyone who I have been acquainted to were part of the Top 6. It just seems so unfair. Everyone prayed for me. I even begged to God to give me a chance to reach the Nationals. This happens only once in a lifetime! However, it slipped away from my grasp.

I couldn’t stop crying. I kept on asking God, “Lord, why did you let this happen? Tell me, Lord.” I felt that God has forsaken me. He gave me this chance, but didn’t grant my heart’s desire.

Healing

The day after the competition, I didn’t go to school. I was so ashamed of myself. I was so embarrassed to show my face to everyone who expected me to win. My parents supported my decision. I just need time to let the deep scar heal.

We were having a silent breakfast when my mother asked me if I want to go out and spend time together. I simply nodded. She might probably be thinking that this might be a good idea to make me feel better.

We went to Gateway and decided to watch “Happy Feet”. The movie was great, especially with the songs and dance numbers. However, the ending was anti-climatic. The story teaches us that it isn’t bad to be different. In fact, being different will make you recognizable and others can even come out of their shell because of you. I say it was anti-climatic because in the end, it somehow lost that point. However, I’ll still give five stars because it brought back the happiness that I almost lost.

Typing about this painful experience still brings tears to my eyes. But I’m glad that there are people who can bring back the smiles and the laughter back to me. God hasn’t revealed to me the answer to my question until this very moment. He’s probably waiting for the perfect timing to tell me.

It’s Party Time!

On the last day of our exams, our class had our very own Christmas Party. That was the last day for all of us to be together for the year 2006.

The highlight of the party was of course our Kris Cringle. All the gifts were gathered at the center. One by one, the student will get his or her gift and give it to the one he picked. What was even more exciting was that days before the party, each one of us told what gift we would like to receive. When everyone got their gifts, all of us opened them at the same time. Most of us got the gifts that we wanted, including me! I finally have my very own copy of Elisabeth Elliot’s Passion and Purity!

The day after was the much-awaited High School Dance. The party even includes a dance and a band competition. Unfortunately, we didn’t win in both competitions. However, I received praises from my fellow classmates because of my dancing even though I forgot a lot of steps. Our band was great, especially Joko who surprised me with his talent in music. In other words, na-elibs talaga ako. There is also this other member of the band who definitely is cute and was great when he performed a solo on his guitar.

Overall, I must say that the party was average. I prefer the party that happened last year when everyone was hyped to dance the night away. If I were to organize the event, I would suggest that the High School Dance should be all about dancing. On the other hand, the band competition can be held on our school fair. This can be a part of our fund-raising project. I observed that the competition destroys the momentum of everyone who were in his or her party mode. Oh well, it sure was an enjoyable night somehow.

The Quality of Being True or Real

I was looking for the perfect word to describe my situation right now. Thanks to our Spelling set, I found that very word.

Verisimilitude = the quality of being true or real

For a short while, loving the impossible made me set my standards on a higher level that I thought no one would ever reach. However, it was all an alibi. I was escaping from reality and even my true feelings. I realized that I’m making a fool out of myself, not admitting that I still love him. So right now, I want to be true with myself. I still love him.

That’s the end of my ultra-long entry. We still don’t have an internet connection. However, I manage to look for a way by using my phone. We’ll probably have a regular internet connection by January and yes, it will be DSL. Toodles!

By the way, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!